Winter Wrap Up

I've been without a computer to download pictures for a few months, so here's my attempt to catch up on life at our house this winter.

Our first and only pet, Samoa, celebrated her first birthday with a "carrot" cake and all.

Making Valentine's and Cookies

A warm fire and a little imagination. Rebekah and John are always making up games.

An indoor campout with neighbor friends

We've had hardly any snow, but I think Betsy gathered every last scrap from the yard to make these guys.

Remembering Grandpa

Just two short weeks ago, we were saddened by the news of Sean's grandpa's passing. Though he had been ill for some time, his death was nonetheless a shock. I'm so grateful that myself and my children got to know him well through the years. We each have special memories of our own and it was such a delight to be able to share those together. I'll especially cherish the hours I spent being his "nurse" on various occasions, especially my last visit a few weeks ago that stretched into hours as I introduced him to the card game, Kings in the Corner, that I used to play with my grandpa. I think we played it for three hours. I grew up very close to my grandfather, who left a big void when he died when I was about 10. When I got married to Sean, Grandpa Ahart immediately adopted me as his own and always called me his granddaughter like I'd always been in the family. He will be missed.
Though it's been a sad at times, tears have been mixed with a lot of laughter and hugs as the family has gathered around the memories.

Turning Forty

Today I turned forty.

In many ways it has been just like any other day: school, housework, grocery, dinner, a DVD....

In many ways it has been special: kind words from friends, a chocolate cake from my sister, little notes, big hugs....

I suppose for some that turning forty marks the half way point, so it must be all downhill from here. I see it differently. I've been blessed remembering all the many, many people that God has placed in my path along the way. There is much lifeyet to be lived and so many that I pray God will use me to bless in the coming years. More of Him. Less of me.

A dear friend reminded me of this song today. I think Keith Green's lyrics sum up what turning forty has meant to me.

Make my life a prayer to you
I wanna do what you want me to
No empty words and no white lies
No token prayers no compromise

I wanna shine the light you gave
Thru your son you sent to save us
From ourselves and our despair
It comforts me to know you're really there
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/k/keith+green/make+my+life+a+prayer_20077345.html ]
Chorus
Well I wanna thank you now
For being patient with me
Oh it's so hard to see
When my eyes are on me
I guess I'll have to trust
And just believe what you say
Oh you're coming again
Coming to take me away

I wanna die and let you give
Your life to me so I might live
And share the hope you gave me
The love that set me free

I wanna tell the world out there
You're not some fable or fairy tale
That I've made up inside my head
You're God the son and you've risen from the dead

I wanna die and let you give
Your life to me so I might live
And share the hope you gave me

The love that set me free

Part of Me

My kids have been reading through my blog this past week and enjoying themselves immensely. It's brought up a lot of memories, howling laughter and conversations between them. This is the first time ever that they've been independently interested in what I've written, yet I've been hit with a twinge of guilt. "Mom, why did you stop writing? You should have told about that one time.... I like hearing your voice on paper."

I know. I know.

I am a bit inspired, though, that this little blog is serving the purpose for which it was composed- to give our children a bit of insight into our lives, relationships and history together while passing along my own thoughts and perspectives as God is changing me day by day. It makes me smile to think of the seven of them ten, twenty, even thirty years from now having these writings and pictures in a permanent record and at their disposal at any time. My smile grows even bigger when I imagine my grandchildren learning about their own parents as little boys or girls.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a co-worker who is an author. She was sharing about her passion for writing and how she answers the question, "What do you do?" Though she is a full time NICU nurse, she always responds, "I'm a writer." Writing is what flows naturally for her It is what she must do. It is what she most loves.

I found myself tearing up as I told her about how I have written since I was a child and used to enjoying keeping up a blog. My emotions surprised me. It was much the same feeling that comes over me when I think about playing the piano.

We live in a soundbite kind of world. Little bits of information here or there fill our days. No stories. No details. No time to put it down or take it in.

Perhaps it's time for that to change.

Learning to Be Mom

I am currently reading Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller and in just one chapter I've been majorly convicted on many levels.

Perhaps one of my biggest challenges of the past year has been in how to parent our teenagers. I found myself in a cycle of frustration, disappointment and anger as we worked through some new and challenging issues.

Instead of dealing with the heart issues, I spent a lot of time asking questions like, "Don't you know better and this? You were not raised this way, were you?" I think that having homeschooled our children for so many years I (wrongly, I might add) feel responsible for and entitled to children who would 99% of the time do the right thing.


When things weren't going "my" way, too many times I responded hastily and in sin. I'm thankful for the grace we can give to one another, because we have ultimately been given grace by God.

As the conflicts have faded into the past, I have been reflecting on what I've learned about myself as not just a mom, but as a child of God. Just as I'm still learning what it means to be God's child, I have so much more to learn about what it means to love the children God has entrusted me to mother.

The book's chapter was about the idols in Abraham's life and his willing sacrifice of Isaac. Here are some excerpts from the book that specifically challenged me:

"I must be able to say, 'My desire for completely successful and happy children is selfish. It's all about my need to feel worthwhile and valuable. If I really know God's love- then I could accept less-than-perfect kids and wouldn't be crushing them. If God's love meant more to me than my children, I could love my children less selfishly and more truly.'"

When a child is an idol a parent:

• Overdisciplines them/ Needs them to be "perfect"
• Underdisciplines them / Can't bear their displeasure

Then the child fails to meet expectations the parent becomes angry, cruel or violent because of their disappointment.

"God's rough treatment of Abraham was merciful- until Abraham had to choose between his son and his God he could not see that his love was becoming idolatrous."

"If anyone puts a child in the place of the true God, it creates an idolatrous love that will smother the child and strangle the relationship. "

Intentional

This is my word for 2012. Intentional. Being purposeful does not come naturally to me. I am an ideas girl who likes to make big plans and yet the follow through is often lacking. This can be an assest when flexibility is needed, but frustration arises when the day/month/year has past and all there is to show for it is a lot of could've/should've/would've.

Instead of my typical New Year's resolutions, I've instead set some specific goals in several areas of my life. These aren't just aspirations, but actions that can only be done with intention. I'll leave the end result to God.

Spiritual: Memorize Colossians 3. Join or lead a Bible Study for some portion this year. Read through the Bible with a 3 year plan.

Relational/Family: Write one hand written note per week and actually send it. Pray individually with each of my children once a week. Go on a "date" with each of the kids once a month (even if it is just going to the store together.) Show one intentional act of love to Sean each day in word or deed.

Financial: Establish a written, monthly budget. Balance the books each Saturday. Organize and collect coupons for shopping. Carry cash to pay for consumables (food, gas, misc, clothing, eating out...no debit card for these).

Social: Host one family a month for dinner. Blog once a week.

Physical: Move on purpose at least 20 minutes per day (even if just walking in the evening). Work out at the Y with Sean in the morning at least once per week. Avoid completely white foods (sugar, flour, rice, potato.... Sounds extreme, but I'm all or nothing when it comes to food).

Career: Read two books related to lactation. Attend one seminar or conference in my area. Complete my education requirements at work on time and attend 50% of staff meetings.

It looks like a lot, yet each could be achieved by simply being aware, being available and being willing to be intentional.

Recap

Oh, how I wish I could blog again. I do miss sitting down with this old friend. It's not only therapeutic, but the best way I know of recording our lives. But, alas, life must be lived and little time or energy is left at the end of the day it seems.

So here's all that has transpired in these last few months:

1) We just finished our first 9 weeks of school. We are LOVING Classical Conversations and the depth and scope of the program. I already feel that the kids have learned more grammar (my weakness) in this first section than I would teach them in a year. I'm especially excited to see how this program plays out for my younger ones who will get the information up to six times over the course of grade school. The burn out on homeschool that I was experiencing at this time last year has dissipated. What an answer to prayer.

2) Having a high school student keeps me hopping! Hannah just finished volleyball season and begins 4 months of basketball next week. It is so rewarding to watch her spread her wings a little farther balancing heavy a academic load, new friends, sports, church activities.... Even if I'm just in the stands watching, I don't want to miss a thing! It's been painful at times, yet she's figuring it out. I'm so thankful for our relationship and that she remains open with us. Having her dad at school and as a teacher is just an added bonus. In fact, many nights we have to kick her out our room after talking so we can get some rest.

3) Lydia, too, is finding her way through 8th grade. We couldn't be more pleased with the school she is attending. The respect that is displayed there between students and teachers and visa versa is profound. We purposefully placed her where Hannah had not been. It's got to be hard being 13 months behind your sister and so completely different. We didn't want her to have to struggle with comparisons. She's working really hard and applying herself like never before. There have been a lot of tears, but also a lot of growth that could not have come otherwise. She even tried out for the volleyball team and had a great time!

4) My sister and I held our second consignment sale last month. There's something about having a business that I really enjoy. I love the planning and casting the vision for what is to come. More than that, though, I believe in what we are doing and am excited for others to benefit. Working closely with Barbara has only added to the blessing. We are a good team in that we are alike and different in just the right ways.

5) On the homefront, I feel like I'm loosing control of my house. Nothing new there. I began painting and rearranging the rooms downstairs. This has been an ongoing project which now leaves us with practically nothing to sit on and many other chores undone. Why is it that any extra home projects always spill over into chaos everywhere else? I'm rereading some books and looking for a routine to rein this mess in. I'm open for suggestions.

6) It's finally feeling like fall here. I'm going to my college reunion next week with my roommates and favorite girlies in the world. Can't wait! I'm also very much looking forward to this season of Thanksgiving and hosting our families again. God certainly has given us much to be grateful for.