Be all there

January 2, 2013

I spent a few hours this morning at a Starbucks talking with a friend about the challenges of homeschooling, training, chores, various curriculum, special needs, expectations, challenges....  I'm often drawn into these conversations and remember clearly the years when I would wake up in a sweat and seriously question whether or not I was doing the best for my children in homeschooling. After trying not to hyperventilate, I would attempt to fall asleep praying, but not often having even the right words to express my heart.

I'd like to assure you that it's going to be alright. A child which is provided with one-on-one instruction every day for school in their elementary years and allowed to read to their heart's content is going to get what they need to succeed. Being by their side, you are going to see the missing gaps of understanding. You are going to have plenty of time for them to master what they need to know. You are forming and shaping their character by daily living it out before them even though you don't have the hour you had hoped to focus on that character building lesson or read three chapters of the Bible.   They are watching. They are learning.  They are getting it, even though you don't see the end product right now.  

What's the key?
Be there. Be all there.
Not on your phone.
Not paying bills.
Not cooking dinner.
Not reading facebook.
Not sending texts.
Not watching the clock.
Not serving the curriculum's schedule or demands.
Not checking boxes.

This is easier said than done. Life is hectic and overwhelming. Without multitasking how is it all ever going to get done? I'm guilty of doing each of these things (well, not the texting, I still haven't taken the leap there) and done a great disservice to children in doing so. When school time is focused on me, then they suffer. 

More than that, there are countless opportunities each day when the books are closed that growth and development are in full swing. No, I never had the time to go through a character development curriculum with them despite all good intentions. I never had the ability to take the kids to the craft classes at the library.  I used to feel major guilt and remorse about this until the day I realized that each moment at home is that opportunity. Embrace these moments before they pass.

What's the key?
Let them follow you around.
Let them ask "why?"
Let them try to do something hard or beyond their years, even if it's not perfect.
Let them hear about how you are not perfect, mistakes you've made. 
Let them get their hands dirty and make a mess.
Let them listen to you tell stories.
Let them see you listening to their stories. Stop what you're doing and look them in the eye.
Let them hear "yes" (especially when it involves making a mess)
Let them pretend and take the leading role once in a while.
Let them talk.  Ask them questions about themselves. Then ask them more questions until they run out of words to say. 
Let them follow through with an idea, even if it's an inconvenience. 

Certainly each child has their quirks and very unique challenges to learning and life.  Some are quite evident and others not so much.  I couldn't speak wisdom into much of what my friend was sharing, but one thing was clear. This mom was passionate about her son.  She's going to figure this out and he's going to thrive under her loving care. The amazing thing is that God has specifically given each child to each mom to teach, mold and shape in only the way she can.   Mom and kids- we were made for each other.

Giving Thanks

I found myself with big tears running down my face this morning when John climbed up into my lap for an extended morning hug. I think I could have held on forever. As his sweet little hands patted me on the back again and again, my mind was turning over and over again of the realness and magnitude of God's grace and His expression of it  in everyday life.

Not every day is exciting and some are just plain hard. Not every struggle or conflict is instantaneously overcome, most are, in fact, painful. Not every moment is full of success, but time marches on and there's another opportunity to try it yet again.  In the midst of all that can be tiring and rigorous and stretching in the dailiness of life, grace does abound.

God is at work.  He gives comfort, companionship, answers, endurance, provision, direction....His presence.


He's given us a table and food for it day by day.

He's given me these seven children, each individual, each with their own unique lives, to teach me more about how to serve and pour out unconditional love.  And when I think I have nothing left to give, God supplies what is needed for me to be their mom. Each day with them is a gift.

He's given me a soul mate who loves me through each day and never stops leading even when it's tough.

He's given me support through my big crazy family who are always there to help at a moment's notice offering a prayer, a practical help, a cup of tea or just a word of encouragement.

He's given me parents who continue to love and support me even at age 40 and He's provided them a home now in their semi-retirement only 10 minutes away.

He's given me life long friends and special times away to reconnect and be refreshed.

He's given me Christian fellowship and the faithful teaching of His Word week by week which remind me and teach me again the sure promise of salvation.

He's given me health and time to enjoy to the beauty found even in the smallest things.

With the abundance of His Grace I am overwhelmed.

It's not about me

Okay, seriously?  Where did this school year go?  It's been a busy and full nine months.  Two kids in school.  Five kids in homeschool.  Deadlines.  Activities.  Games.  Projects.  Successes.  Disappointments.  Failures.  Frustrations.  Firsts. Transparency. Breakthroughs.  Laughter.  Secrets.  Togetherness.  Tension.  Hugs.  Life. 


There is not one word that could sum all that I've learned this school year.  Yes, I did finally master all of the states and capitals and can now diagram about any sentence you put in front of me.  (Even homeschool moms have a lot to learn.)  My real growth, however,  has been in  realizing that being a mom isn't all about me. 


I've spent many hours on my knees these past months just begging the Lord for wisdom.  Where do we set the boundaries?  How can I respond in love, yet with the truth?  What do I do with my own fears of failure? How do I  face of the reality of the fragility of our teens?  


In a few short years, they will be out on their own.   What will our relationship be when that day comes?  


I believe that the answer to that questions has to do with my responses, words and actions towards them today.  They aren't young children to be micromanaged, dressed up in matching clothes, scolded and set aside for bad behavior, expected to silently nod or perform for others at a moment's notice. 


No, they are young women.  Thinking, growing, ever changing young women who are formulating their beliefs about who they are, what they believe and who the will ultimately love and serve.  Their journey is their own.  


Though, their struggles and triumphs really aren't a reflection of me as a mom,  I've come to realize that I still play an important role.  I'm neither in the center of it, nor am I a just on the sidelines.  My position is precarious and confusing.   I have learned (by default, I might add) that my slightest reactions, words, or actions speak volumes into their lives.  My availability to listen empathetically when I'm tired or frustrated,  my willingness to engage them through conversation when I would rather lecture, my commitment to follow through with discipline with a heart of discipleship.... these will cultivate the young women emerging before my eyes. 


God, give me the grace to realize every day that it's not about me. 

Reflections on 40 Days of Juicing

I set out the day after my 40th birthday on a journey of unexpected consequences. I determined to juice for 40 days. Many people asked me what program I was following. Well, in typical Monica style, I was developing my own along the way. I had watched several documentaries about the positive effects of juicing and read a few books. I thought that it would be a reasonable way to take hold of some less than desirable eating habits, clear my thoughts and initiate my way into the next phase of life.

I exclusively juiced for the first 10 days and drank only water ( and chewed on a lot of ice chips). The next 10 days I added a green smoothie that included at times greek yogurt. I also allowed myself protein in the form of eggs or raw peanut butter each day. The last 20 days I juiced two meals a day and ate raw foods for the last meal.

Was this a waste of time? No.
Was it hard? At first, yes.
Was it expensive? No, in fact I saved money.
Do I regret it? Not at all.
Would I do it again? Absolutely.

I'm still digesting (ha!) all that I've learned, but here are a few of my reflections:

1) Food is overrated. Juicing made my mind so much clearer and the energy I received from juicing went a lot farther. I had no afternoon sugar slumps or stomach aches that I often get from eating food or difficulty falling asleep at night.

2) I realized that I had some sort of weird addiction to food when I woke up the second night after juicing and had a panic attack. The fact that I had not eaten (though I had ingested plenty of calories for the day) just about sent me over the edge. Weird.

3) There is nothing sweeter and more satisfying than natural fruit juice. After having real apple juice, a candy bar seems sickening.

4) The flavor and satisfaction of the taste of fresh vegetables and herbs is beyond anything I've ever experienced from food. My mouth is watering right now thinking about it.

5) I can prepare food for my family and sit down with them and enjoy a meal even if I'm enjoying something different. (There goes that excuse.)

6) Food has had the wrong place in my life. I've known this, but it became much clearer when I was unable to manipulate my diet to meet my emotional needs. These past forty days have been a particularly stretching time for me. Because I was not able to eat away my cares, I found myself running to the only One who could truly help me.

7) Despite popular opinion, there is a difference between eating 1400 of "whatever I want" and 1400 of juice or raw foods. In the last 40 days I've dropped 11 pounds without exercise or starving myself. Obviously, the composition of food is a huge factor in health and weight loss. It's like my body is saying, "Thank you for caring."

8) I think I've finally found a way of eating that make sense to me, is truly healthy and sustainable.

I'll keep you posted.

Winter Wrap Up

I've been without a computer to download pictures for a few months, so here's my attempt to catch up on life at our house this winter.

Our first and only pet, Samoa, celebrated her first birthday with a "carrot" cake and all.

Making Valentine's and Cookies

A warm fire and a little imagination. Rebekah and John are always making up games.

An indoor campout with neighbor friends

We've had hardly any snow, but I think Betsy gathered every last scrap from the yard to make these guys.

Remembering Grandpa

Just two short weeks ago, we were saddened by the news of Sean's grandpa's passing. Though he had been ill for some time, his death was nonetheless a shock. I'm so grateful that myself and my children got to know him well through the years. We each have special memories of our own and it was such a delight to be able to share those together. I'll especially cherish the hours I spent being his "nurse" on various occasions, especially my last visit a few weeks ago that stretched into hours as I introduced him to the card game, Kings in the Corner, that I used to play with my grandpa. I think we played it for three hours. I grew up very close to my grandfather, who left a big void when he died when I was about 10. When I got married to Sean, Grandpa Ahart immediately adopted me as his own and always called me his granddaughter like I'd always been in the family. He will be missed.
Though it's been a sad at times, tears have been mixed with a lot of laughter and hugs as the family has gathered around the memories.

Turning Forty

Today I turned forty.

In many ways it has been just like any other day: school, housework, grocery, dinner, a DVD....

In many ways it has been special: kind words from friends, a chocolate cake from my sister, little notes, big hugs....

I suppose for some that turning forty marks the half way point, so it must be all downhill from here. I see it differently. I've been blessed remembering all the many, many people that God has placed in my path along the way. There is much lifeyet to be lived and so many that I pray God will use me to bless in the coming years. More of Him. Less of me.

A dear friend reminded me of this song today. I think Keith Green's lyrics sum up what turning forty has meant to me.

Make my life a prayer to you
I wanna do what you want me to
No empty words and no white lies
No token prayers no compromise

I wanna shine the light you gave
Thru your son you sent to save us
From ourselves and our despair
It comforts me to know you're really there
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/k/keith+green/make+my+life+a+prayer_20077345.html ]
Chorus
Well I wanna thank you now
For being patient with me
Oh it's so hard to see
When my eyes are on me
I guess I'll have to trust
And just believe what you say
Oh you're coming again
Coming to take me away

I wanna die and let you give
Your life to me so I might live
And share the hope you gave me
The love that set me free

I wanna tell the world out there
You're not some fable or fairy tale
That I've made up inside my head
You're God the son and you've risen from the dead

I wanna die and let you give
Your life to me so I might live
And share the hope you gave me

The love that set me free