Part of Me

My kids have been reading through my blog this past week and enjoying themselves immensely. It's brought up a lot of memories, howling laughter and conversations between them. This is the first time ever that they've been independently interested in what I've written, yet I've been hit with a twinge of guilt. "Mom, why did you stop writing? You should have told about that one time.... I like hearing your voice on paper."

I know. I know.

I am a bit inspired, though, that this little blog is serving the purpose for which it was composed- to give our children a bit of insight into our lives, relationships and history together while passing along my own thoughts and perspectives as God is changing me day by day. It makes me smile to think of the seven of them ten, twenty, even thirty years from now having these writings and pictures in a permanent record and at their disposal at any time. My smile grows even bigger when I imagine my grandchildren learning about their own parents as little boys or girls.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a co-worker who is an author. She was sharing about her passion for writing and how she answers the question, "What do you do?" Though she is a full time NICU nurse, she always responds, "I'm a writer." Writing is what flows naturally for her It is what she must do. It is what she most loves.

I found myself tearing up as I told her about how I have written since I was a child and used to enjoying keeping up a blog. My emotions surprised me. It was much the same feeling that comes over me when I think about playing the piano.

We live in a soundbite kind of world. Little bits of information here or there fill our days. No stories. No details. No time to put it down or take it in.

Perhaps it's time for that to change.

Learning to Be Mom

I am currently reading Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller and in just one chapter I've been majorly convicted on many levels.

Perhaps one of my biggest challenges of the past year has been in how to parent our teenagers. I found myself in a cycle of frustration, disappointment and anger as we worked through some new and challenging issues.

Instead of dealing with the heart issues, I spent a lot of time asking questions like, "Don't you know better and this? You were not raised this way, were you?" I think that having homeschooled our children for so many years I (wrongly, I might add) feel responsible for and entitled to children who would 99% of the time do the right thing.


When things weren't going "my" way, too many times I responded hastily and in sin. I'm thankful for the grace we can give to one another, because we have ultimately been given grace by God.

As the conflicts have faded into the past, I have been reflecting on what I've learned about myself as not just a mom, but as a child of God. Just as I'm still learning what it means to be God's child, I have so much more to learn about what it means to love the children God has entrusted me to mother.

The book's chapter was about the idols in Abraham's life and his willing sacrifice of Isaac. Here are some excerpts from the book that specifically challenged me:

"I must be able to say, 'My desire for completely successful and happy children is selfish. It's all about my need to feel worthwhile and valuable. If I really know God's love- then I could accept less-than-perfect kids and wouldn't be crushing them. If God's love meant more to me than my children, I could love my children less selfishly and more truly.'"

When a child is an idol a parent:

• Overdisciplines them/ Needs them to be "perfect"
• Underdisciplines them / Can't bear their displeasure

Then the child fails to meet expectations the parent becomes angry, cruel or violent because of their disappointment.

"God's rough treatment of Abraham was merciful- until Abraham had to choose between his son and his God he could not see that his love was becoming idolatrous."

"If anyone puts a child in the place of the true God, it creates an idolatrous love that will smother the child and strangle the relationship. "

Intentional

This is my word for 2012. Intentional. Being purposeful does not come naturally to me. I am an ideas girl who likes to make big plans and yet the follow through is often lacking. This can be an assest when flexibility is needed, but frustration arises when the day/month/year has past and all there is to show for it is a lot of could've/should've/would've.

Instead of my typical New Year's resolutions, I've instead set some specific goals in several areas of my life. These aren't just aspirations, but actions that can only be done with intention. I'll leave the end result to God.

Spiritual: Memorize Colossians 3. Join or lead a Bible Study for some portion this year. Read through the Bible with a 3 year plan.

Relational/Family: Write one hand written note per week and actually send it. Pray individually with each of my children once a week. Go on a "date" with each of the kids once a month (even if it is just going to the store together.) Show one intentional act of love to Sean each day in word or deed.

Financial: Establish a written, monthly budget. Balance the books each Saturday. Organize and collect coupons for shopping. Carry cash to pay for consumables (food, gas, misc, clothing, eating out...no debit card for these).

Social: Host one family a month for dinner. Blog once a week.

Physical: Move on purpose at least 20 minutes per day (even if just walking in the evening). Work out at the Y with Sean in the morning at least once per week. Avoid completely white foods (sugar, flour, rice, potato.... Sounds extreme, but I'm all or nothing when it comes to food).

Career: Read two books related to lactation. Attend one seminar or conference in my area. Complete my education requirements at work on time and attend 50% of staff meetings.

It looks like a lot, yet each could be achieved by simply being aware, being available and being willing to be intentional.

Recap

Oh, how I wish I could blog again. I do miss sitting down with this old friend. It's not only therapeutic, but the best way I know of recording our lives. But, alas, life must be lived and little time or energy is left at the end of the day it seems.

So here's all that has transpired in these last few months:

1) We just finished our first 9 weeks of school. We are LOVING Classical Conversations and the depth and scope of the program. I already feel that the kids have learned more grammar (my weakness) in this first section than I would teach them in a year. I'm especially excited to see how this program plays out for my younger ones who will get the information up to six times over the course of grade school. The burn out on homeschool that I was experiencing at this time last year has dissipated. What an answer to prayer.

2) Having a high school student keeps me hopping! Hannah just finished volleyball season and begins 4 months of basketball next week. It is so rewarding to watch her spread her wings a little farther balancing heavy a academic load, new friends, sports, church activities.... Even if I'm just in the stands watching, I don't want to miss a thing! It's been painful at times, yet she's figuring it out. I'm so thankful for our relationship and that she remains open with us. Having her dad at school and as a teacher is just an added bonus. In fact, many nights we have to kick her out our room after talking so we can get some rest.

3) Lydia, too, is finding her way through 8th grade. We couldn't be more pleased with the school she is attending. The respect that is displayed there between students and teachers and visa versa is profound. We purposefully placed her where Hannah had not been. It's got to be hard being 13 months behind your sister and so completely different. We didn't want her to have to struggle with comparisons. She's working really hard and applying herself like never before. There have been a lot of tears, but also a lot of growth that could not have come otherwise. She even tried out for the volleyball team and had a great time!

4) My sister and I held our second consignment sale last month. There's something about having a business that I really enjoy. I love the planning and casting the vision for what is to come. More than that, though, I believe in what we are doing and am excited for others to benefit. Working closely with Barbara has only added to the blessing. We are a good team in that we are alike and different in just the right ways.

5) On the homefront, I feel like I'm loosing control of my house. Nothing new there. I began painting and rearranging the rooms downstairs. This has been an ongoing project which now leaves us with practically nothing to sit on and many other chores undone. Why is it that any extra home projects always spill over into chaos everywhere else? I'm rereading some books and looking for a routine to rein this mess in. I'm open for suggestions.

6) It's finally feeling like fall here. I'm going to my college reunion next week with my roommates and favorite girlies in the world. Can't wait! I'm also very much looking forward to this season of Thanksgiving and hosting our families again. God certainly has given us much to be grateful for.

First Day of Homeschool 2011

We had a great first day getting organized and oriented to the year ahead. Our school is down to five now as Lydia will be attending a local private school for 8th grade. Being that this is my 10th year of homeschooling, we decided it was time for a change. The curriculum has become increasingly eclectic through the years and thus increasingly complicated for the teacher. Therefore, this year we will be streamlining and participating in Classical Conversations. We are blessed to already know many of the families in the group as friends. I think I'm the most excited since I know what great things are ahead!

In attempts to make our first day extra special, we started with cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Then we sat down and we came up with the "school rules". We each contributed one. Not much changes from year to year, but I always love the way the put things in their own words.

1. Don't cry. Either ask questions or get some help.

2. Don't interrupt mom.

3. Obey the first time.

4. Put away your books every day. If you can't find a book, you owe mom a dollar.

5. Ask for permission to use the school art supplies so they don't get lost. (That was mine:)

6. Drink a bottle of water while you do your school work.

Next, we brainstormed some snack and lunch ideas and field trips. We discussed the daily schedule, too. Though it can't be the same everyday, we strive for routines.

Since we are going to be referring to a lot of timelines this year, the kids made their own timeline of their life starting with their birth and spanning into the future. Here's what they created. I think I'll keep these precious papers for a very long time.

Miriam, 6th grade. She's not thrilled about being the oldest this year, but honestly I'm looking forward to spending some time with this special girl.



Elizabeth, 4th grade. I love the way that she thinks in pictures.


Joseph, 3rd grade. He even included the date for when pictures of Pluto will be transmitted back to Earth. Who knew?


Rebekah, 1st grade. How could my baby girl be a first grader already? She's so ready and very excited!

John, PreK. I love the picture of him being a doctor when he grows up. He loves to help people especially when they need a bandaid.

Finally, we spent some time making up our own, pocket sized dry erase assignment sheets. This will be just a quick check list of daily responsibilities on one side and school assignments on the other. They had fun picking out the clip art and fonts. It became a little lesson in computer skills.

Wings to fly: Finances

How can it be that I'm a mom of a high school student? This seems nearly impossible since I, myself, just graduation from college. And yet, it is reality and I am actually excited to see what lies ahead as my older girls start to spread their wings. At the same time that Hannah goes to high school, Lydia will beginning a journey of her own. Her first school year outside of our home. They are ready and for once, I think I am, too.

When I consider that in four short years our oldest will be entering adulthood, I'm struck by all that still needs to be taught from our end as parents. We decided that the Freshman year we are going to be focusing on teaching our kids to budget, earn, spend, save and give wisely. The truth of the matter is that these things have to be learned through experience and practice with room for error. What a better place to learn that while still at home and early enough to get a firm grasp on it.

I can in no way take credit for this idea. I read it in a book last spring and thought it was brilliant. With some tweaking here's what we are doing:

1. We each made up a budget separately considering all of the out of pocket expenses that she incurs throughout the year beginning in August. Her catagories included: giving- tithe, gifts, clothing- necessities and wants, school- fees, supplies, lunches, sports- uniforms, camp fees, participation fees, game snacks, books, fun money. We encouraged her to research cost and try to think of every single thing that she might need money for and the real price.

2. We went out to lunch and had a "budget meeting" to compare. We had very similar categories and bottom line. After some small adjustments we signed it into agreement.

3. Sean and I are going to provide 80% of her budgeted needs in 2 payments (August 1 and January 1). She will be responsible to work, plan or readjust her budget for the remaining 20%. Each year of high school our provided percent will decrease and her responsibility will increase.

4. Now she is on her own to organize and keep track of where her money goes. We promised ourselves that we won't bail her out if she gets in a pinch. This will be a lot easier for me since at least I know that she has a roof over her head and food on her plate.

We've made it clear that although she has her "own money", we still are the parents and have the right to veto any purchase (specifically inappropriate clothing). Also, she has agreed to spend this money on the things specifically listed in her budget, so there will be no hoarding it back and then announcing a Spring Break trip to Florida. Truly, I wouldn't imagine these things happening. She is very sensible, but sometimes it is good to just get it all out there.

The younger kids have been watching this whole process carefully and are starting to take ownership. Miriam and Betsy are having some friends over for a sleepover next week. They went to the store with me to make out a budget of what they would need for rootbeer floats, crafts, candy, batteries for flashlights. They found some work to earn money and went back a few days later to make their purchases. They didn't even want me to walk with them in the store or help them through the checkout.

Overall, I'm looking forward to no unexpected costs creeping into the family budget, but yet I am also realizing I need to do some planning and extra shifts of my own. We are going to be shelling out a lot of cash here in the near future.

Home Again

Someone mentioned to me this week that it takes half as much time as a person is gone from home to get back into the routine. What a true statement. We've been home from our vacation a week now and I'm still trying to put life back into the order. We got an unusually amount of rain while we were away and the yard, tree and beds resembled something from the amazon.

Vacation was in one word, WONDERFUL. It was worth every effort and sacrifice to get there, that's for sure. My favorite part by far was just being together. No outside obligations. No deadlines. No interruptions. No schedules to juggle. Just being us.

This trip was particularly meaningful to me as it is the last summer before our oldest goes to High School. Our family's schedule is about to go to places never before seen. Four more years and our first child will possibly be leaving home. Time is more precious now than ever.

It filled my heart to see all of the kids playing together and relating to each other in their own different ways. A walk on the beach. Digging together in the sand. Playing pool games. Riding bikes. Reading books aloud at night. Talking for hours in the back of the van. Laughing. I am sure that our youngest will remember this vacation as a special time with their older siblings.

Another highlight for me was when my parents visited for a few days. One of my favorite childhood memories was when my dad took in me in the ocean for the first time and we played for hours. He was like a kid out there, as side of him I hadn't seen and yet endeared me to him even more. Twenty five years later it was just as much a thrill for me.

My mom and I had time just to talk and talk and talk. I always learn so much from her about what it means to love my children, so I am always so inspired after I've had some time with her. It was a special treat to do our talking with the waves lapping at our toes and drinking iced tea while watching the kids play.

On the way home we enjoy the hospitality of Sean's long time friends and fellow math teachers, Jim and Jane. They live in Georgia on a beautiful lake, which the children enjoyed after 10 hours in the van.

Here's the last set of pictures from our trip.