Tough Love

Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
but whose delight is in the law of the LORD,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers. (Psalm 1:1-3)

They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor. (Isaiah 61:3)


Watching our children wade through the murky waters of teens is difficult. They are not perfect, nor am I. They are searching for purpose, direction, and identity in a sea of peers, expectations, new experiences, youthful desires. Their thinking is not always logical. Their decisions are impulsive. Their emotions run ahead of them.

What do I do when what initially appeared to be a childish decision has become a consistent part of their character? Am I to blame for not being persistent or jumping on it sooner? Could I have pursued another route or have I failed to see the heart of the problem too late?


If they were a toddler, the answer seems obvious. Immediate consequences. Restoration. Try again. With some young children the lesson is quickly learned. With others the reinforcement day after day is required, but with consistency and unconditional love it is received in time.

I am not willing to let our teenagers raise themselves. The world would be more than willing to scoop them up and carry them along. But I will face the conflict and the hurtful looks if that is what it takes. I will be the bearer of unwanted discipline and wipe away the tears if that is what is required. I will stay up all night and pray and repent of my own sin as it glares back at me. I will trust and stand of God's promises of fruitfulness, peace and life for those who follow Him.

Christ did not leave me in my sin to please myself. He reached down. Called me. Saved me from myself. Walks with me through this life. Molds me. Shapes me. Disciplines me as only a Loving Father can. Restores. Redeems. Rejoices over me.

That's tough love. That's what I'm living.

Another Update

Someday I WILL write again. I think that someday is soon since we are headed into our last two weeks of school! I will reflect on that when it's actually over. For now we are doing a year end review. I've never done this before and I'm not quite sure why since it has been a huge hit with the kids. I am pleased with what they have retained. I am also finding that with this review time some missing pieces are falling into place. I have big plans for opening our time capsules and one last surprise field trip.

Here's a wrap up since I last wrote a post:

1. As of this week, Hannah passed her concussion test and has re-entered the world of active 14 year olds. We are thankful each and every day for God's care over her life and this recovery process. I find myself thinking a lot about our soldiers and the thousands each year who sustain traumatic brain injuries of various degrees. There is so much more to the healing processes for patients and families than I ever imagined.

2. Though things at work remain slow for me, my sister and I are blazing a new trail. We have started our own consignment sale business. Our first event is in a few short weeks! Our prayer is that we will be able to serve our community and bless our families in the process. We are still in the beginning phases in so many areas, but I have very much enjoyed the process and look forward to growing our business.

3. Since I last wrote, Joseph turned 8! How could this be? As is the tradition in our family, he had his first sleepover party. He chose a Star Wars Lego theme. Being that this was our first boy party, let me just say that we weren't at all prepared for all the noise and activity. It was SO much fun.

4. I've been reading here and there when I can. The books by my bed are always an indication of what is on my mind and stirring in my heart.

Organizing from the Inside Out
Still Alice
Hamlet's Blackberry
Lots of books about Word Press (which have not helped me much)
Lots of books about small business
Friendship for Grownups
Do Hard Thing: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations

5. Raising teens reveals to me a lot about myself. More that ever I have to ask for moment by moment wisdom not to be reactionary, but to be intentional in the words I chose to speak. I fail more than succeed in that. My tendency is to avoid conflict, but when I realize we are in the last stretch of parenting at home this it is not an option. There have been many difficult, late night conversations as of late. That is all I want to say about that.

6. We are anticipating an early summer family vacation. The day after graduation we are headed off to Florida for three weeks. We've spent this entire year saving our change, working extra jobs, setting aside gift cards/gift money, selling what we don't use/need to make this happen. We aren't going there for a big adventure (though I'm sure some will present themselves), but rather just to be together as a family and enjoy one another. After this summer we'll always have children in high school and we suspect that an extended time away might never happen again. The younger two have little to no recollection of our last time in Florida, so they are especially thrilled to be going to the ocean. We are returning to Cape Canaveral beach and staying in the same house as we did three years ago.

7. Last, but not least, with encouragement from my neighbor I started the 17 day diet back in February and for the first time since John has been born (4 1/2 years) I have been losing weight! She loaned me the book. I read it in one day and have been losing weight slowly but steadily ever since. For whatever reason this diet speaks to my body in such a way that it is actually cooperating. True, there is discipline involved on my part. Let me say, though, that it is ALOT easier to be disciplined when there's a reward at the end.

Life as I know it

I'm looking at my calendar this morning and amazed at the difference. The past two months have been packed with activity. Perhaps not such a bag thing in the middle of winter. Our lives have been consumed by basketball, it seems. It's a good thing that we enjoy the game so much. I think the younger kids may have a different opinion, though. Recently, I pulled up to a building that looked like a school (it was actually a church) and John began to cry, "No mom. No basketball." They've been troopers.

As I look ahead the days seem much clearer. I'm envisioning working in my flower beds, reading on the porch, going to the park after dinner, riding bikes with the kids with an occasional interruption from the calendar.

Though I've personally been busy balancing the lives of the nine of us, this has also been an important season of growth for me. Though I haven't been blogging along the way, I want to share these things as a matter of remembrance and reference as to what God has been teaching me.

1. Joining the ranks of so many hard working Americans, I've experienced firsthand the effects of the recession. The hospital where I work has had to take important measures to cut down on extra staffing and expenses. As a result, my hours have been cut at least by half. I'm still technically on the schedule, but getting called off an hour before work is the norm for me. This has resulted in a mini midlife crisis for me. Is God closing this chapter of my career? Should I wait it out or look elsewhere? Am I to take a different road altogether? Maybe it is time for me to stay home completely? (Believe it or not, I've found balancing work with older kids somewhat more difficult than when they were younger.) At this point I'm still asking questions and waiting for answers.

2. As a result, I'm back to working hard on our family finances making every. single. dollar. stretch. We've been here many times before, but not with these high prices and big, hungry kids. As in all things, God is faithful and we are so fortunate for all that we have. Whenever I am discouraged, the Lord meets me right where I am. It could be a new pair of shoes passed on to one of the kids, or a gift card given as a thank you, or a great sale and just the perfect coupon, or a free promotion at the kid's favorite restaurant. Those kinds of blessings are often overlooked when we are living more comfortably. The fact that I'm teaching Dave Ramsey's homeschool curriculum to the Junior High class this semester has been a timely encouragement as well.

3. Sean took me to San Antonio for my birthday in February. He had a conference and I completely enjoyed the time away where the weather was warm and I had time just to be. I got yet another glimpse into my husband's life. It was an international conference so his teacher friends from all over the world were there. It was a pleasure to be introduced. One of the highlights of the trip was meeting up with a long time friend from college, Diana. She and her husband are missionaries in Mexico. I hadn't seen them since they were married ten years ago. Don't you love it when you can just sit down and talk for hours like no time has ever passed since you last met. It was a precious time of sharing our hearts and lives. Precious.

4. While we were gone on our little trip, Hannah sustained a concussion during a basketball game. This is perhaps one of the hardest things I have experienced as a parent. I wasn't here. I couldn't have prevented it, I know that. But our girl was hurt and has suffered ever since. Her physical symptoms have lingered (nausea, sadness, dizziness, fatigue), but the mental symptoms have been the real setback. She is now undergoing testing which measures her brain's ability to comprehend and process information, remember and problem solve. Last week's test showed her to be at the low end of "below average" and at 2% in another area. It has been a very real reminder that life is fragile. With physical and mental rest this past week, we've already seen marked improvement in her behavior. She will be retested every two weeks until her scores reach acceptable levels. This unexpected trial has resulted in many conversations about the whys and the what ifs, yet all the while realizing God's protection in it all.

5. This fall I returned to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). This study has been a foundational part of my walk with Christ since our early marriage. However, once more babies joined our family and homeschooling came to the forefront, I stepped out in order to attend to these matters. This year I rejoined for the book of Isaiah and have been challenged and blessed on a whole different level. It's been a year of transition and growth for me. Without God's Word before me on a daily basis much would have been missed. What has Isaiah been teaching me? Listen. Watch. Follow. Trust.

Books

I love it that many of my friends are bookworms. In college all of my closest friends had a literature bent. They would sit around and discuss characters, plots, themes... while I studied pharmacology and anatomy. Even now when we get together it is not long before the discussion turns to books.

I am also in awe of my friends today who have a love for words. I'm always encouraged when I read their end of the year lists knowing that they, like me, lead busy lives full of responsibilities. Their book lists quickly become mine and I'm encouraged to step away from the media and think for a while.

Not all of my friends blog the books they've read, but here are a few. Enjoy. I know I will.

Catherine @ A Spirited Mind

Heather @ Blackberry Rambles

Amy @ Kevin and Amy's World

If you have a book list or frequently review books, please leave me a comment. I'd enjoy learning about what you've been reading.

Winter Inspiration

The flu has hit us hard this year. As of right now five kids have the fever, chills, coughs and aches. Hannah, who had it first, slept for nearly 48 hours straight this weekend and somehow has managed to go to school and play basketball this week.

Not that I'm glad for illness, but I was secretly ready for a little break. This time of year is our busiest it seems for activities out of the house- practices, games, lessons, co-ops, work.... We are really focused on our schooling. There's not much recreation going on, so one day just runs into the next.

Having to just stop in our tracks, cuddle up on the couch, read a book, take a nap or just hold each other is a welcomed change.

I know a lot of homeschool moms are headed toward burnout at this point of the year. It seems like the end is in the far future and the beginning was so long ago that it's a distant memory. The books are no longer new and the creative ideas have slopped flowing. And when school becomes a grind for the teacher, the students quickly follow suit.

I was encouraged recently to go on a homeschool tour. Some moms from our co-op traveled together to eachother's homes and shared our resources, spaces, and ideas. A lot of times homeschooling moms talk about their struggles and frustrations. It was nice to be encouraged in such practical ways for a change. I was really struck by how different each of our schools operate and yet how well suited they are for each family. It was clear to me that each mom has been gifted by God to give their children just what they need.

I used to feel the need to compare our homeschool experience to everyone else's. God has slowly been working on me and freeing me from these unrealistic expectations. Since that time I find such inspiration and motivation when I'm introduced to another mom's perspective.

So while the troops are recovering I'm going to spend my days digging in to these new found treasures. Hopefully, when we are back full speed next week we'll be able to plow right through until Spring.


Word Roots : A game in which the student builds a city building their vocabulary and spelling skills

Time for Learning: An online supplementary tool with games, lessons and printables.

Enchanted Learning: k-3 printable and activities

Draw and Write Through History

Life of Fred A day in the life of Fred where he encounters math in the everyday. Written like a novel with a humorous story line.

Each Moment

I am continually humbled by how God is using my teenagers to teach me more about what it means to live for Christ. Many a late night conversation which started as frustrated tears has ended with....

How will I know which is the best way for me to go?

Why do I keep making the same mistakes over and over again? No matter how hard I try I'm always back where I started.

Where do I fit? What am I good at? What makes me different?

I need my life to count for something- something outside of myself.

I want to do something important with my life.

I have struggled with these same questions and had to learn again and again that life is not about the destination. It's about the journey to get there. The shaping of one's character happens in the dailiness of life. The constant rhythms. The ebbs and flows. The unplanned detours. The subtle interactions. Relationships. Regrets. Lessons learned.

This week one of my daughter's classmates was tucked in bed for the night with the flu and went to be with her Lord for eternity.

This has spent my mom mind spinning in a million different directions. Much of my striving as a parent is to get my children to a certain point academically, socially, spiritually. A destination. It seems at times as though the clock is ticking faster and faster....

I'm convicted this night by my own words. Life is about the journey not the destination.

Were my words today kind and encouraging?

Does she know there is NOTHING she has to do to earn my love?

Did I look up and look into his eyes when he wanted to show me latest drawing?

Was I approachable or too busy to give affection freely?

Did I give my children the Truth today?

Tonight I'm thankful for another day in the life of my children. The privilege to walk beside them and be their mom is one that I never want to take for granted.

Good Bye 2010

I admit it. I love January simply because it signifies the beginning of a new year. I'm one of those people who looks forward to changes and finds motivation in looking ahead. I'm not terribly sentimental about the past (except when it comes to my children). And I've always got a vision brewing in my head for what could be. In the meantime, decluttering, rearranging, planning and cleaning are in order for this month.

2010 in retrospect was a monumental one for our family. Hannah graduated from our homeschool to continue her education at a nearby private school. For the past 14 years we've been growing our family mainly within our home. Now the time has come to grow outward. It's been a change for us all, especially her siblings. Her presence is missed here, but she is flourishing in many significant ways. We are all SO proud and anticipating Lydia's move to private school next year.

These past two weeks of break have been the best yet. Sean was completely free from work responsibilities while I was able to clock in full time at the hospital. In between were many days of relaxation, family, friends and fun. What a perfect way to end 2010.

A long lunch with my college friends of twenty years. Priceless.

New games and lots of lego creations.

Dad time. I think the boys are going through withdrawal.

LOTS of sledding. My family dominated the hill.

Children's Museum

On the 31rst we finished using up our Summer Reading rewards. Two games of bowling, Laser Tag and Miniature Golf.

The wedding of our friends, Michelle and Jason, was on the 1st. We also treasured spending time with Jenny and Heather who were home from Africa.